The toxicity of teasing

My 9-year old son came home yesterday and was clearly upset about something that had happenned at school. Upon further questioning, he told me he got in trouble at school for writing on a slide on the playground. Realizing that there had to be some motive for him to do this, I asked him why he did it and got a typical response, "I don't know." There was more to the story, I didn't let him leave my sight until I got the full story. I asked him if he has friends at school, remembering from a few weeks ago how he had told me some kids tease him. He started crying and told me he doesn't have friends at school. Well, he mentioned this one friend who lies all the time and I told him the little boy probably thinks that is the way to impress people and befriend them. I asked my son if he thought writing on the slide would get him friends, and then pointed out to him that it will only get the kids that would do the same thing to like him. I asked my son if there are other kids who get teased at school, he told me some of the names these kids are called. One child in his 4th grade class has been completely ostracized and is called "gay" hello, these are 9-year olds! What the hell is wrong with the parents of these kids. Yes, I also asked my son if he teases anyone and explained to him that him being teased does not make it ok for him to tease other kids. I used a rash analogy by telling him if someone stole from me, would it be ok for me to rob a bank? Absolutely not. I realize that might have been an exagerrated comparison, but kids do not realize how much words hurt unless they are taught well by their parents.

I decided to go meet my son at school for lunch today and witnessed the next step up from name calling. I sat off to the side of the cafeteria with my son and there was another little boy sitting all by himself. I asked why he had to sit there and was told,"he gets in trouble all the time." As soon as the lunch aide turned her back two other little boys ran over to the boy sitting by himself and began slapping him! I was sitting right there and would have said something to them but they probably would have beat my child up. I did the next best thing and spoke to the principle before I left.

These kids are learning that name-calling and violence is acceptable from their parents or those people intimately involved in their lives. Or worse, their parents are never made aware of their children's poor behavior because they have become adept at getting away with it. In this case, parents need to ask their children about their behavior and even if they don't say they engage in it, reiterate why it is unacceptable to bully other people. My son is in school to receive an education, not to be bullied by a child with ignorant parents. True, parents have to spend time with their kids to instill values, and if they are not going to do it they shouldn't be complaining about our education system because they are not aware of the responsibilities of being a parent.