Life's Lessons
Perhaps spoken from my Taoist beliefs, when I doubt I am here for a specific purpose in life, I can at least discern that experiencing growth from any type of experience is something positive and purposeful in of itself.
Why write this now and not before or later can be explained by a recent visit to a medium. I wasn't really seeking answers, but nonetheless, I received answers to questions I didn't know I had. The statement "everything happens for a reason" is not just a cliche; there is a specific reason for the timing of everything we experience. My sister suffered from severe brain damage for most of her life, yet I didn't ask why until she passed away at 15. Perhaps I wasn't ready to ask that question until I was old enough to find the answer, but I have known that her purpose in my life was to teach me compassion, which wasn't only her purpose, but also her gift. She was one of the spirits that came through during my session. She thought I was mad at her and asked permission through the medium to guide me. Perhaps because I didn't attend her funeral, which had nothing to do with Jennifer. Similarly to other messages conveyed through this medium, I was always the "rock" in my family, and I knew that would have been expected of me at her funeral and that I knew I could not handle.
The lessons I learned from Josh's passing were much harder to accept because he was my only witness and I felt that I still needed him to validate the experiences only he and I had. But his death also gave me the sense of direction I have now. Josh's spirit also came through in my reading. I was skeptical up until the medium said she saw him dumping out a bottle of prescription medication. Josh had told me the meds he was on for his schizophrenia made him lethargic and he would rather have symptoms than not be able to enjoy playing the guitar.
Anyone I have ever loved with all my heart, as unconditionally as I know is possible, has either died or hurt me unknowingly. I have spent most of my life believing the risk is worse than the possible benefit. When you open yourself up to love, you also open yourself up to loss. Maybe it's the letting go part I need to be more comfortable with. It is going to take more trust than most have proven to me they are worth to change my mind about this. However, I know part of what the future holds and I will have to let go of my fear of abandonment before any of it will happen. I know someone else's purpose in my life is to teach me this, and at the same time I know my purpose in their life is to allow them that realization.
For now, the best I can do is let go and believe that what is meant to happen, will.
Why write this now and not before or later can be explained by a recent visit to a medium. I wasn't really seeking answers, but nonetheless, I received answers to questions I didn't know I had. The statement "everything happens for a reason" is not just a cliche; there is a specific reason for the timing of everything we experience. My sister suffered from severe brain damage for most of her life, yet I didn't ask why until she passed away at 15. Perhaps I wasn't ready to ask that question until I was old enough to find the answer, but I have known that her purpose in my life was to teach me compassion, which wasn't only her purpose, but also her gift. She was one of the spirits that came through during my session. She thought I was mad at her and asked permission through the medium to guide me. Perhaps because I didn't attend her funeral, which had nothing to do with Jennifer. Similarly to other messages conveyed through this medium, I was always the "rock" in my family, and I knew that would have been expected of me at her funeral and that I knew I could not handle.
The lessons I learned from Josh's passing were much harder to accept because he was my only witness and I felt that I still needed him to validate the experiences only he and I had. But his death also gave me the sense of direction I have now. Josh's spirit also came through in my reading. I was skeptical up until the medium said she saw him dumping out a bottle of prescription medication. Josh had told me the meds he was on for his schizophrenia made him lethargic and he would rather have symptoms than not be able to enjoy playing the guitar.
Anyone I have ever loved with all my heart, as unconditionally as I know is possible, has either died or hurt me unknowingly. I have spent most of my life believing the risk is worse than the possible benefit. When you open yourself up to love, you also open yourself up to loss. Maybe it's the letting go part I need to be more comfortable with. It is going to take more trust than most have proven to me they are worth to change my mind about this. However, I know part of what the future holds and I will have to let go of my fear of abandonment before any of it will happen. I know someone else's purpose in my life is to teach me this, and at the same time I know my purpose in their life is to allow them that realization.
For now, the best I can do is let go and believe that what is meant to happen, will.
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