Mozart Was Crazy
It's true. We never forget our first love. Although, sometimes we should. The first time I saw her I was working at the circulation desk at the Music Library at the University of Miami. I'm not certain what score she checked out, but I made sure to make a note of her name. She was cute in an androgynous sort of way. Later that day, I emailed her at what I guessed was her University email address. I tried to be very non-descript just in case it wasn't her email. Her response was only "Are you the girl who works at the Music Library?" Busted.
Next began a brief, whirlwind relationship. We spent all of our free time together. She was a classical piano major, but every time I had walked by the practice room she was playing in, she would stop to open the door so in two months, I never really heard her play an entire piece. A friend of mine, Dave, who was a Journalist in the Coast Guard stationed in Miami, took our photos in the Art quad on campus. Alana threatened to cancel at the last minute the day Dave came to campus just in an attempt to see me angry. It didn't work. i walked away and she came running back and apologized.
The night of her junior recital we had planned to go out to dinner afterward. I was so amazed by her talent and proud that she was my girlfriend. I've always found the depth of a talented musician can be measured by how well they convey emotion when they perform. I felt she had been hiding that side of her from me. She had plans to go out with the other recitalist and her parents and said she would meet me at the beach later. I went to South Beach for dinner with some of my friends. When I didn't hear anything from Alana in almost two hours, I called her apartment. She was home, and said she wasn't feeling much like coming to the beach. I managed to change her mind. She had a mutual friend bring her and Sam stayed and hung out with us. Later, the three of us left and on the way back to the car, Alana and Sam were holding hands. I honestly thought she was just fucking with me to see if I would get mad. Alana did not think it was normal that I was always so even keeled and had tried in the past to get me mad just because she wanted to see me angry. I have always felt anger doesn't solve any problem.
On Valentine's Day that year, as I was sitting at the Circulation desk, a group of guys from the Music fraternity came into the library with a rose and started singing to me. She had sent me a singing telegram for Valentine's Day. Not only do I not like to be the center of attention, but I hadn't yet come out to my co-workers. My boss, who we called Dragon Lady, because she didn't take anyone's shit, was like "Oh, Alicia's got a boyfriend!" She kept teasing me and I kept trying to change the subject.
A day or so later it was Alana's 21st birthday and we had plans to celebrate at a bar across campus. On the way there with one of my other friends, I called her and broke up with her because of Sam and another incident where she fooled around with a guy friend of ours. I don't get angry, but I absolutely do walk away and never look back. She asked me if we were still going out that night and I told her I was still going and that we would likely see each other there. I behaved somewhat badly, not to be mean, but to wash my sorrows away with alcohol, etc. She came up to me and asked,"What are you doing?" I responded,"Having fun." That was the last I would see Alana outside of school for many years. And the next time I would see her was so out of the blue.
Fast forward three years. I had moved back to Maine from Miami and had recently signed up to leave for the Navy. On the way home from a show rehearsal, my cell phone rang. I answered,"Hello?" And she said,"Hi, it's Alana. Your mother gave me your phone number." I didn't even think to ask her how she knew my mother's last name. And oh, what a predicament. I was leaving in a few months for the Navy and had gone back into the closet to enlist during the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. And she was in Maine, visiting her grandmother. We made plans to hang out and I went and picked her up at her grandmother's house on the coast. She spent the night in our guest room and we were cordial, but I was a bit uncomfortable about her being around because of how she had hurt me by flirting with other people while we were dating, and I didn't want to fuck up my chance at the Navy. I didn't even tell her I had enlisted because I didn't want her to contact my recruiter and tell him I was gay which would have disqualified me from serving in 1998.
I dropped Alana off at her grandmother's and never heard from her again. A few years after I got out of the Navy, I found Sam. We ended up having a mutual friend on MySpace. I sent her a message, and she responded. She asked for my phone number because she wanted to tell me over the phone what had happened. Sam tells me how smart I was to break up with Alana- Sam and Alana had moved to Arizona after they both graduated from the University of Miami. Sam said Alana never played piano again. Sam had a house built and began her career as a pharmacist. Alana started leaving to go on trips to festivals in California and often wouldn't even tell Sam. One time when Alana came back, Sam and she got into a fight. Alana ended up breaking a bunch of dishes and Sam kicked her out of the house. Sam knew Alana had no where to go, so she called Alana's father in Montreal and told him he needed to come get her because she was basically living on the streets in Phoenix.
Alana's father did finally find her in Arizona and took her back to Canada. A few months later, Sam received a phone call from an institution in Montreal and they told her Alana had left. They had found a note left behind along with some other belongings. The note was a list of people Alana wanted to harm and Sam's name was on the list. On the phone with me Sam says,"Aren't you glad your name wasn't on the list??!" So fucking surreal, but yes, yes, I was grateful. Not only that my name wasn't on the list, but by believing Alana when she showed me who she truly was, I may have saved myself an even bigger heartache.
I still wonder what she's up to, but mostly I hope she is stable and happy. Not all relationships are meant to work out, and ours certainly wasn't one of them. I honestly don't even know what drew me to her; I have always been attracted to older, feminine women. But alas, will always have an open mind, especially when it comes to something as rare as love.
Next began a brief, whirlwind relationship. We spent all of our free time together. She was a classical piano major, but every time I had walked by the practice room she was playing in, she would stop to open the door so in two months, I never really heard her play an entire piece. A friend of mine, Dave, who was a Journalist in the Coast Guard stationed in Miami, took our photos in the Art quad on campus. Alana threatened to cancel at the last minute the day Dave came to campus just in an attempt to see me angry. It didn't work. i walked away and she came running back and apologized.
The night of her junior recital we had planned to go out to dinner afterward. I was so amazed by her talent and proud that she was my girlfriend. I've always found the depth of a talented musician can be measured by how well they convey emotion when they perform. I felt she had been hiding that side of her from me. She had plans to go out with the other recitalist and her parents and said she would meet me at the beach later. I went to South Beach for dinner with some of my friends. When I didn't hear anything from Alana in almost two hours, I called her apartment. She was home, and said she wasn't feeling much like coming to the beach. I managed to change her mind. She had a mutual friend bring her and Sam stayed and hung out with us. Later, the three of us left and on the way back to the car, Alana and Sam were holding hands. I honestly thought she was just fucking with me to see if I would get mad. Alana did not think it was normal that I was always so even keeled and had tried in the past to get me mad just because she wanted to see me angry. I have always felt anger doesn't solve any problem.
On Valentine's Day that year, as I was sitting at the Circulation desk, a group of guys from the Music fraternity came into the library with a rose and started singing to me. She had sent me a singing telegram for Valentine's Day. Not only do I not like to be the center of attention, but I hadn't yet come out to my co-workers. My boss, who we called Dragon Lady, because she didn't take anyone's shit, was like "Oh, Alicia's got a boyfriend!" She kept teasing me and I kept trying to change the subject.
A day or so later it was Alana's 21st birthday and we had plans to celebrate at a bar across campus. On the way there with one of my other friends, I called her and broke up with her because of Sam and another incident where she fooled around with a guy friend of ours. I don't get angry, but I absolutely do walk away and never look back. She asked me if we were still going out that night and I told her I was still going and that we would likely see each other there. I behaved somewhat badly, not to be mean, but to wash my sorrows away with alcohol, etc. She came up to me and asked,"What are you doing?" I responded,"Having fun." That was the last I would see Alana outside of school for many years. And the next time I would see her was so out of the blue.
Fast forward three years. I had moved back to Maine from Miami and had recently signed up to leave for the Navy. On the way home from a show rehearsal, my cell phone rang. I answered,"Hello?" And she said,"Hi, it's Alana. Your mother gave me your phone number." I didn't even think to ask her how she knew my mother's last name. And oh, what a predicament. I was leaving in a few months for the Navy and had gone back into the closet to enlist during the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. And she was in Maine, visiting her grandmother. We made plans to hang out and I went and picked her up at her grandmother's house on the coast. She spent the night in our guest room and we were cordial, but I was a bit uncomfortable about her being around because of how she had hurt me by flirting with other people while we were dating, and I didn't want to fuck up my chance at the Navy. I didn't even tell her I had enlisted because I didn't want her to contact my recruiter and tell him I was gay which would have disqualified me from serving in 1998.
I dropped Alana off at her grandmother's and never heard from her again. A few years after I got out of the Navy, I found Sam. We ended up having a mutual friend on MySpace. I sent her a message, and she responded. She asked for my phone number because she wanted to tell me over the phone what had happened. Sam tells me how smart I was to break up with Alana- Sam and Alana had moved to Arizona after they both graduated from the University of Miami. Sam said Alana never played piano again. Sam had a house built and began her career as a pharmacist. Alana started leaving to go on trips to festivals in California and often wouldn't even tell Sam. One time when Alana came back, Sam and she got into a fight. Alana ended up breaking a bunch of dishes and Sam kicked her out of the house. Sam knew Alana had no where to go, so she called Alana's father in Montreal and told him he needed to come get her because she was basically living on the streets in Phoenix.
Alana's father did finally find her in Arizona and took her back to Canada. A few months later, Sam received a phone call from an institution in Montreal and they told her Alana had left. They had found a note left behind along with some other belongings. The note was a list of people Alana wanted to harm and Sam's name was on the list. On the phone with me Sam says,"Aren't you glad your name wasn't on the list??!" So fucking surreal, but yes, yes, I was grateful. Not only that my name wasn't on the list, but by believing Alana when she showed me who she truly was, I may have saved myself an even bigger heartache.
I still wonder what she's up to, but mostly I hope she is stable and happy. Not all relationships are meant to work out, and ours certainly wasn't one of them. I honestly don't even know what drew me to her; I have always been attracted to older, feminine women. But alas, will always have an open mind, especially when it comes to something as rare as love.
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